umm, well i guess i never finished my update yesterday, n when i went to check to see where i left off, i realized just how much i rambled. i knew i went forever but my god! geez, i guess i had alot to say yesterday. decided to write a letter to satan today, not finished with it yet but i will finish before the day's end. shaun's birthday today. i was kind of mopping this morning bout it but luckily every1 who noticed jus thought i was tired or something. no1 really realized just how upset i was/am today. its tressfull enough to have my brother's birthday at the end of the week n trying to figure out what im gonna give him n when im gonna see him, but to have shaun's birthday ontop of it is horrible. i mean absolutely horrible. i'd like to cry but at the same time rejoice, for shuan is now 17 and i know how much it means to him to finally be 17. he should be driving soon and maybe i can convince him to take a visit here but idk. he'll at least wanna visit leighbee and thaz what really matters. i guess i have alot to say this week because im kind of lost within my own feelings, its even kind if numbing after awhile. i guess i've also been kind of snappy at ppl, and i didn't really realoze it untill ppl said it to me. if ur one of the ppl i've snapped at [("lo siento.")] i guess im so lost within myself that im completely oblivious to what is goining on around me. im not sure though. im not really sure about nething nemore. things r as i said different. well, if u've actually read all this much u pretty much know exactly what is goining on with me. so i hope this not only helps me (although i doubt it helps me) but also clues u in a little bit more about my attitude and the ways i've been acting and things i've been doining lately. i apologize to everyone, i know indeed that none of u deserve it.